Holding Up the World Read online

  The crib and changing table she’d ordered hadn’t been delivered yet, so Jade was still sleeping in Lisa’s lingerie drawer, but the child proved to be the most contented baby. Bill and Susan had come by and helped her dismantle the guest room furniture and store it in the basement. They’d also brought her some baby items from neighbors who were glad to be rid of them. Lisa was grateful and made a mental note to write them a personal thank you.

  Jade played and laughed and reached for the growing amount of toys that were taking over Lisa’s family room. Lisa loved coming home every night and playing with her baby. So far she hadn’t mentioned the new arrival to anyone at the office. She had called Drew and Darnell last weekend and told them. When they showed up late Friday night, Lisa was so thrilled to see them, tears ran down her face.

  “What are you doing here?” she’d asked, hugging one, then the other.

  “A friend of ours had to come home to be in a wedding this weekend. We hopped a ride so we could see you and the baby. Where is she?”

  Lisa pointed them toward the family room, but she knew her daughters were really home to see how she was doing. They’d always been a close family. There were no secrets among them. It was a quality she was proud to instill in her daughters. Even Julianna hadn’t kept secrets until Omar Stevens entered her life. Coming up behind her daughters, Lisa had stared at a rather large secret.

  The girls were still asleep when Lisa went to the kitchen the next morning. She fed Jade and played with her a while. Then she cooked breakfast the way she would have on any Saturday morning, read the paper and made a list of things she needed to do before Monday.

  “Good morning,” Darnell said as she came into the kitchen. It was just after nine. “How long have you been up?” she asked, resting her hands on the back of her usual chair at the table and leaning over to snag a slice of bacon from Lisa’s discarded plate.

  “Jade wakes at six o’clock, so I’m up with her.”

  “You don’t even get a day to sleep in?” Drew went to the carrier seat Susan had brought by and Lisa had cleaned. Jade lay sleeping.

  “I’m afraid not,” Lisa continued. “Jade means adjustments. I’ve had to accommodate several in the past week.” Lisa poured herself a cup of coffee and sat down. The pot was nearly empty. Neither of the twins had developed a liking for the drink. Darnell drank cola in the mornings while Drew favored hot tea without sugar or any form of sweetener. Darnell got a cola from the refrigerator, popped the top and took a seat.

  “Would you like some breakfast?”

  She shook her head and sipped the coke. “Was one of those adjustments Graham?” she asked.

  Lisa marveled at how perceptive Darnell was for her age. Before they left for college, Lisa had been out with Graham only once. He’d never met the girls. They’d teased Lisa that she was keeping him secret and they had no secrets. She wasn’t, really. She didn’t know how they would react to sharing their mother and she didn’t know if there was anything between them. She’d intentionally waited until they were away at school to explore a relationship with him.

  “I haven’t heard the phone ringing. Is he out of town?”

  “It didn’t work out with Graham and me,” Lisa said as casually as possible.

  “I’m sorry, Mom. You’ll find someone else. I know you will. There are a lot of men out there your age.” She said it with all the experience of an eighteen year old.

  Lisa smiled, even though her heart hurt at the mention of Graham. “Life throws sand at you, sweetheart, or lemons, or wrenches. You work with them.”

  “But you had plans.”

  “I did. I wanted to redecorate, put up molding around the archways, buy new inner doors, add some different artwork to the walls, that kind of thing.” She looked at the archway leading into the dining room. “It can wait.”

  “I didn’t mean the house,” Darnell said, her head cocked and her eyes wide and imploring.

  “I know you didn’t.”

  “Have you heard from Julianna?” Drew was standing in the doorway. She came further into the kitchen wearing a blue surgical shirt and drawstring pants. It was her form of pajamas. Drew wanted to be a doctor and the clothes were part of her role play. Darnell wore shorts and an exercise top. She was dressed for her morning run. Drew went straight to the tea kettle and poured herself a cup of hot water, then pulled a tea bag from the canister and dunked it.

  “Not a word.” Lisa shook her head. She thought about Julianna. They had never shortened her name. Julianna didn’t want to be called Julie or Anna, but never had they ever thought of doing it. She was Julianna, just as Drew was Drew and Darnell was Darnell. Yet she was Lisa, short for Elizabeth. Strange, Lisa should think of that now. After all, what did their names have to do with anything?

  “What about Omar? I assume he’s the father.” Darnell frowned when she said it. She made no secret of her dislike for Omar Stevens when Julianna first started seeing him. The three of them were in high school. Lisa heard the twins talking to Julianna one night, trying to make her see that Omar was nothing but bad news. Typical of Julianna, she didn’t listen. She was the older one. What could they know?

  “He’s the father,” Lisa confirmed. She’d met Omar Stevens a couple of times. He was polite, too polite in Lisa’s book. She knew he couldn’t be real and she found out he was a con man, high school drop out, smooth-tongued Lothario who’d been part of the Family Services system since he was a child and had learned to work it instead of using its resources and getting out of it.

  He knew how to speak, what to say to make people think he was sincere. Then he’d leave and never do anything he’d promised. Two years older than Julianna, he could always find a job, but never keep it longer than a couple of weeks. There was always something wrong with his boss. He was too strict, to stupid, wanted things done his way, to old to recognize a new idea. It didn’t matter to Omar. He was right and the other person was at fault.

  “He and Julianna are no longer together,” Lisa told the girls. “According to the social services supervisor I spoke to, Julianna left him right after Jade was born.”

  “Does he know Jade’s here?”

  Lisa nodded. “He was at the Family Services offices last week when I got there.”

  “Let me guess,” Darnell said. “Oh, Mrs. Russell, thank you so much. I really appreciate you taking Jade. You are so good. I wish I had a mother as good as you. If I did, I know I’d appreciate all you do. Jade is really lucky that you are her grandmother.” Darnell imitated his voice and expressions so well no one who knew him would mistake her acting for anyone else.

  “You’ve got him down, Darnell,” Drew said with a smile.

  “That was his story, almost word-for-word,” Lisa said. “Only he called her Brittany.” Lisa looked over her shoulder at Jade. “He tried to run his con on me, but I’d heard it all before. He was so appreciative that she’d have a real home.”

  “How could you keep from throwing up?” Darnell asked.

  Jade woke up then and started to cry. Lisa started to move, but Drew got up first. “Is she hungry? I’ll feed her.”

  Lisa fixed a bottle and handled it to Drew who’d resumed her seat. A knowing look passed between the twins. Lisa had seen it before when the two of them had discussed something and wanted to present a united front.

  “Mom, you don’t have to play the hand just because it’s been dealt to you,” Darnell began.

  “I know. Susan said virtually the same thing. But I can’t have her disappear into a system where I won’t know if she’s all right, if she’s happy. She’s ours, part of our bloodline. I won’t give her up.” Lisa leaned down and kissed the baby’s head. The child cooed and sucked on the nipple. Lisa responded with a smile.

  “Let me hold her,” Darnell said. Drew shifted the baby into her sister’s arms and gave her the bottle. She sat back in her chair.

  “Do you think Julianna will ever come back?” Drew asked.

  “I don’t know,” Lisa said
. “I believe she’ll come to her senses one day. It’s a shame what she’ll miss. Children change so quickly at this age. Each day they can look totally different than they did the day before.”

  Lisa had evidence of this in the many volumes of photographs she had of her three girls growing up. She could chronicle the changes in them through the still-lifes she maintained in their photo diaries. She would do the same for Jade. However, looking at a photo is different if you didn’t live through the experience. You can’t see the memories in the celluloid. Julianna would one day regret her actions, but as usual, no one could explain that to the strong-willed Julianna.

  Lisa brushed the soft head her daughter was holding. “Until then, I’m her caretaker.”

  “And I’m her aunt,” Darnell said.

  “Me too,” Drew added.

  All they needed was Julianna to make the scene complete, Lisa thought.

  ***

  Wal-Mart opened at 9:30. The security guard was precise. Always on time, never a second out of step from his routine. Julianna could have set her watch by him, but she had no watch. She’d sold it a year ago for ten dollars. Her mother had paid almost fifty for it, but Julianna needed the money and it was all she had left.

  Without fail the guard appeared exactly on the minute. His uniform was starched and press as he stooped down to unlock the glass doors. Then he reached up and pulled something. She didn’t know what and didn’t care. She wanted him to finish and disappear. He pushed each of the four doors out, one at a time, to make sure they opened and closed as designed.

  Julianna waited three full minutes after the guard left before crossing the parking lot and going inside. She’d wedged the garbage bag with her clothes, all her earthly goods, behind a dumpster at the edge of the parking lot. That area was only used except during the Christmas holiday season when the lot was packed from door to street. The Salvation Army collected the accumulated clothes once a month, always on a Tuesday, but not the same Tuesday. Today was Friday, so she was safe for a while.

  Inside the store was neat. An army of employees must have folded and picked up the previous day’s sweaters, shirts, skirts, and blouses that usually littered the floor, and re-stacked or hung them from the places they were supposed to be. By 11:00 o’clock the place would look like an explosion in a mattress factory. But at this time of the day there were only a few shoppers to pick over the merchandise.

  The bathroom would be empty and Julianna could brush her teeth and wash up without anyone seeing her. In the last year she’d learned a lot about places she could sleep, get a meal and perform a little hygiene. Many of these were so dirty, she wondered whether the water itself was clean enough to use. She’d taken to carrying a small container of cleanser in her bag to wash out the sink before she used it.

  This Wal-Mart was all right in the morning. She looked around as she walked, stopping occasionally to check a blouse or sweater, but keeping her head down. Julianna’s bruises were still apparent and she didn’t want to call attention to herself. She also didn’t want any of the guards to see her.

  And recognize her.

  She’d come here more than once. Many times over once. She dodged the security people, knew them, even the plainclothes ones. She never went straight to the bathroom, but wandered around the store, looking like a shopper. At times, she even tried on clothes. She had no money to buy anything, but she never stole them either. At least not from this store.

  In the bathroom, she brushed her teeth and washed her face. Looking in the mirror she examined the bruises. Her left eye was no longer swollen, although it sported a grey and purple ring the exact size of one of Rick’s knuckles.

  Her cheek still hurt. She applied some makeup to hide the vestiges of his fists. Her cheek looked fine, but if she put enough makeup on her eyes to hide the bruise, she’d look like a Halloween character. She shrugged. This would have to do.

  Her steps in leaving the store were direct. She didn’t meander around the place checking price tags or the latest styles. She headed straight for the exit. Collecting the bag with her clothes from where she’d hidden them, she thought of Rick. Richard Carter. Everyone called him Rick, but Dick was short for Richard and he was certainly a Dick. She wouldn’t have gone back to him even if he hadn’t kicked her out. Not after what he’d done to her three days ago.

  “Don’t come back. You’re nothing but a slob. And I don’t need you.” He’d flung the words at her, slurred though they were, in the same motion he’d used to push her out the door and throw her clothes after her. He was drunk and she’d made the mistake of saying so.

  Now she was homeless. Again. It was scary. But this wasn’t the first time she’d been on the street. She still had a job, she hoped. She hadn’t been there for three days, thanks to Rick the Dick and the bruises he’d given her as a parting gift.

  The diner where she worked was three miles from Wal-Mart. She was lucky that she had a good pair of shoes. She’d found them in the clothes Dumpster. It was amazing what people threw out. She thought more about that now. A couple of years ago she would have done it too, but she’d learned more about the value of things. Grunting a laugh, she knew her mother would be proud of her for not being so shallow. But her mother was a different story.

  Breakfast was a done deal by the time Julianna walked through the door of the diner. Three waitresses stopped what they were doing and stared at her, one of them put one hand on her hip and cocked her head. Julianna ignored her and walked toward the kitchen in route to the locker room in the back.

  “Just a moment.”

  Julianna turned around, recognizing Clarence’s voice. Clarence Eggers owned the English Diner, a 24-hour establishment that sat between two highways and had a steady stream of customers, making the tips good. It wasn’t that the food was English. It was good ole American hash, everything from mashed potatoes and gravy to homemade apple pie. Clarence bought the diner from a man named Gary English who’d had it in his family for generations.

  Clarence took one look at her and stopped. She dipped her head and turned so he didn’t see her discolored eye.

  “He beat you up again?” It was a question, put Julianna knew he didn’t need an answer. She turned away and continued walking toward the locker room. “I’m sorry, Julianna. This can’t go on. I can’t keep you here. You’re never on time. You’re not dependable and it’s unfair to heap work on the others.”

  He looked at her until she dropped her head and her shoulders.

  “I’ll do better.”

  “You won’t,” he told her. “You’ve had many chances to change and all you do is come up with another excuse. I got a business to run. You have to go. I put your things in a bag. You can pick it up on your way out.”

  “You’re not even going to let me try?” She shouted her question, angry that she had no place to go and no money to get there with.

  “Look,” Clarence sighed, dropping shoulders. “I know you’re having a lot of problems right now. But I can’t take them on. I have a place here with problems of its own. And I have to be to reply on my waitresses.”

  “Clarence, I promise I’ll be more reliable.” She quickly jumped in to keep him from further speech. She knew where this was leading and she wanted to head it off. Stop him from letting her go. “It’s been bad for a couple of days.”

  “Couple?” His eyebrows went up. “We haven’t seen or heard from you in three days and you come in now looking like that.” He indicated her face. Quickly Julianna dropped her chin to hide her features. “You can’t wait tables looking like you’ve been in a fight and lost.”

  “Clarence, I need this job.” She was desperate and she couldn’t keep it out of her voice.

  Clarence sighed again. He pulled some bills out of his pocket and pressed them into her hand. “I’m sorry,” he said. “You need more help than I can give you.”

  Julianna looked at him. For the first time she thought she saw compassion in his eyes.

  “You must have family
somewhere,” he said. “There’s more there than your wages.” He waved his hand, indicating the bills she held. “Take the money and go home.”

  “Just one more, Clarence,” she pleaded. “I promise you won’t be sorry.”

  “Julianna, I’ve given you more chances than anyone else. This is the limit.”

  He turned away from her and went back to filling food orders. Julianna stood where she was for several moments unsure of what to do. She’d made no plans for this. She knew she hadn’t been to work for three days, but she never thought Clarence would fire her. Activity flowed around her as if she wasn’t there.

  Finally, she walked across the floor and grasped the bar on the front door. She looked back at the busy room. No one gave her a parting nod or a wave good bye.

  She was invisible.

  The garbage bag in her hand was slightly heavier, but not as heavy as the weight pushing her down. Hefting it more securely, she went out the door and into the street.

  Where was she going now? She had no home, no place to sleep, and everything she owned was in the green garbage bag she carried over her shoulder. She walked, thinking, not thinking, staring at street signs and not seeing them. She had no direction and who was going to hire someone with a black eye and a garbage bag?

  Julianna didn’t know how long she’d been walking or how far she had gone. The bag was heavy. To heavy for her to keep going. She needed to rest. And she was hungry. She’d thought of getting food at the diner. Clarence provided them with meals and she couldn’t remember the last time she’d eaten, but right now, rest was preferable to food.

  Chapter 3

  There weren’t many eating places near Town Hall. If you didn’t bring a lunch and were on a short time schedule, your only option was the local strip mall a mile from the office. Rhys didn’t often go there. Someone else would pick him up a salad or sandwich or slice of pizza. Today, he’d needed to get out of the office. There was no court on Friday’s, but there was plenty of paper work and he was tired of reading, thought a break would do him good.